Sometimes I long For the stone. For the callous rock, the shell of inevitability. The stone to which I clutch, the rocks upon which I grip, when all else is lost. Firm, immovable, indifferent.
I long, to be that one. I long to be who no one needs. I long to be who needs no one. And you. I long to be who doesn't care for you anymore.
The sky is a circus of a thousand burning stars, And I am its audience, flailing, and clapping its hands. This beauty is a lamppost, a torch, burning brightly in the shimmering night And I. I am a big, senseless moth, unaware, unclear, hopeless, and inevitable.
To be the rock, not the moth, in hopes of holding still, Under the face of the flame pouring out to me in its extraordinary splendour. To be that thing not be bothered to lift a finger. To be the one, who does not need.
3 minutes! Cool!!! Fourth line of 1st stanza should just be 3 separate lines. First line of second stanza--comma intended? That whole second stanza is WOW. Intense. Mystical. Beautiful. Then the third stanza line, "The sky is a circus of a thousand burning stars," -- wow!!! That is an awesome, awesome line. You end the third stanza going back to the earlier-introduced theme of inevitability. Especially in the fourth stanza I'd add punctuation a bit, though it's not 100% necessary either. Second line of the fourth stanza could be shorter somehow. Second to last line could be reworked too, possibly as, "To be that thing not bothered to lift a finger".
Overall, this is a really great poem, and I'm happy the timing thing worked so well for you here! You obviously fell under the hypnosis of the exercise and the muse went to work with your brain. Great poem!!!
just got home, will have to look at this tomorrow night, but after a quick read, go listen to "I am a rock, I am an island" (I forget name) by Simon and Garfunkle
Overall, this is a really great poem, and I'm happy the timing thing worked so well for you here! You obviously fell under the hypnosis of the exercise and the muse went to work with your brain. Great poem!!!
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